WTF Weddings and The Law...

I have two WTF thoughts for you to chew on today.

Firstly: Four Weddings...and Three Bridal showers.....AND Countless Engagement Parties

I am at the age where everyone I know is now deciding to get hitched. I had FIVE weddings this summer. Thankfully, I declined one (which was out of state) but I still have four others (three out of state) all in a matter of four weeks. I am so sick of weddings. I actually hate weddings. I didn't even like my own wedding. It's a big mess. I'm not your traditional female (as a lot of you already know) so I didn't own a countdown to my big day and I didn't want the big song and dance. If others do, good on them, but not for me. I wanted a small gig. People who actually KNEW my hubs and I, who cared about us to be there.

This Saturday I am attending a bridal shower. I have to make the cake and I made the invites to help out. I was required by marital law. Since I purchased all of the cake supplies and invite supplies, plus time spent doing both I decided that a twenty dollar electric wine opener from their registry was gift enough. I already have to purchased them an expensive wedding gift and pay travel and hotel expenses AND take a day off of work to attend their wedding extravaganza.

So yesterday I get home to find ANOTHER Bridal shower invite. Hubs cousin. Out of state. ON A SUNDAY.
Seriously people. A sunday. Some of us work.
My husbands brother is also getting married. Out of state. On a Sunday.

Talked to my Bestie about this sort of thing. I realized, after the engagement party, the bridal shower AND the wedding you have invested THREE gifts for the couple. Plus hotel and travel fare if it's out of state. When does it give?? What are your theories on this? Any suggestions? I am struggling for some ideas here now that I am supposedly required to buy ANOTHER shower gift.

Second: Ignorance.
Yes, I'm going to put this out there because it really just pisses me off. I am sick of hearing about folks who are hit or rough handled by the police on the news. Now before you start fuming, I'm not talking about Rodney King here.. I mean, if you are breaking the law and a police man stops you...and you start pushing and shoving him, throwing rocks at him, and or PUNCH him, I'm sorry but if he knocks you around a bit to get your ass under control then deserve this.

This morning I got to watch a replay in slow motion of two young girls who were stopped by a policeman and after he asked them politely to stop doing whatever it was they were doing they started screaming in his face, shoved him several times and then a friend jumped in and shoved him in his face. Well, he slapped her and then proceeded to cuff her. I'm sorry people but I think it was justified. Lets not sit around in shock and stare at the instant replay and ask "Why?"

Control yourselves folks and own up to your own responsibilities.
Any WTF thoughts you have to share??
I think I feel a little better now that these thoughts are out in the open...Thanks guys ♥


B June 17, 2010 at 4:12 PM  

We're in the same boat. We have our own wedding and then 2 friends of ours got engaged after we announced our date. One just before and one just after ours. We will have attended 4 weddings this year.

On the gifts, I send a small gift for the shower or at least a card. For the weddings... in the past I haven't been able to afford to attend out of state weddings. With the airline ticket, car rental and hotel it was too much. I try to send a nice gift with my regrets.

On the other point... people have no respect. I never thought I'd be one of those people annoyed by "kids".

The Bumbles June 17, 2010 at 5:17 PM  

Ah, weddings! This is the first year in the last 20 that I have NOT had a wedding to attend! I cannot tell you how excited I am. I will have one next year - but it is nice to get a break finally. Hell, at this point I've even attended re-marriages.

As for gifts - I set a budget for the gift amount. This is separate from the travel/lodging expense in my eyes. They are not forcing me to come (unless I'm actually in the wedding) so if I go, it is my problem. I am free to send them a gift and not attend. I am even free to not send them a gift and not attend. It is an invitation - not an order. But anyway - back to my budget.

Say I know these people well and am actually excited to be a part of their big day. I decide to spend $100 total on them. So, if they have a shower, I buy them a gift off of their registry if I am not feeling particularly creative. If that costs $75 then they are just getting a $25 AmEx gift card in their wedding card at the wedding. If the shower gift was only $50, then they get $50 in their card at the wedding.

I have never been to an engagement party. I'm not sure what those are all about. But if they expect you to show up with your wallet to help them raise money in advance for the wedding, then that is less they are getting out of me for the shower or at the wedding.

Any services I offer to help out in the planning don't cut into my gift budget either - if it is too time intensive or expensive - like providing them a cake - then I would charge them for it. Seriously. And if you are too damn nice, then deduct that expense from your gift budget. If they are thoughtful people, they will give you a little something at the rehearsal dinner as a token of thanks for your extra help - that's what I did for our best man's wife who helped us with invitations, save the date cards, dress shopping as well as doing my make-up and wouldn't take any compensation willingly.

And I always find it good taste for the bride & groom to leave goodie bags for their out of town guests when they check in at the hotel - to thank them for coming all that way. I'd rather have snacks and a touristy bauble that way instead of a chintzy favor at the wedding.

And be sure to buy 1 really great dress that you can wear to all of them. And if you are going to see the same crowd at some of them, get 2 dresses and rotate. With all of these weddings, you should be able to get plenty of life out of them. Make sure they are comfy so you can have fun! I personally make up for all my wedding expenses by taking full advantage of their open bars - so maybe you should take up drinking to get even ;0)

Burkey June 17, 2010 at 5:33 PM  

Completely agree with the police thing Penny. Its ridiculous in Northern Ireland, if a police man so much as touches someone they get up in arms and try to claim theres some sectarian reason behind it. Ridiculous. Like you say, if you push it, you deserve it!

Hope June 17, 2010 at 5:48 PM  

I completely feel your frustration!! I am totally in that timeframe too...except my life is more like a take-off of "27 Dresses" as I am part of 3 weddings this summer that span 5 weeks. All 3 of the weddings that I am in are friends of mine from high school (go figure). I was stressed about having to purchase 3 BIG gifts (since I'm in the wedding). All of my girls created registries on made everyone's life easier. But the best part about is that one of the 3 brides created a cash gift Honeymoon Fund in lieu of tangible gift items. This was a lifesaver because I didn't have to search for a gift that cost a similar amount to the other 2...I was able to just donate cash to her fund, and honestly...helping to pay for her honeymoon is the most gratifying gift that I can give anyway!!

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit June 18, 2010 at 2:19 PM  

Thankfully we seem to be going through a bit of a wedding lull over here, but for several years until last year it was weddings-a-go-go. You couldn't move for wedding!!!

What with all the gifts and travel it's kind of exhausting and expensive!

If it's more than a middling drive away (i.e. far enough to have to stay somewhere overnight), I wouldn't feel too bad about saying no. Or maybe just attend the wedding and not the showers?

I remember when we were organising our wedding we did our best to make sure we put as few burdens on the guests as possible (we didn't really have any showers, for instance), and we completely understood if people couldn't make it to everything. (And half the people we invited came from out-of-country!).

BeckEye June 18, 2010 at 4:25 PM  

OK, this has nothing to do with your post but I had to mention it. My Pandora station keeps playing Jimmy Eat World today. Like, these crazy obscure songs I've never heard. It must think I'm you. :)

Georgina Dollface June 19, 2010 at 11:02 AM  

Once you get through all the wedding showers, it will be baby showers next! I don't like it when co-workers decide to do an in-office shower. It then becomes a stupid competition in front of the boss for who can buy the coolest (read: most expensive and flashy) gift for someone who's wedding you weren't even invited to. - - G

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