I try to keep Penny Lane light and fluffy. You know, life, at times, isn’t so light and fluffy. I’m finding that we, you and I, need to have a heart to heart. Mostly because I am carrying something that I need help to shoulder and I find that Penny Lane always lends a helping hand.
I have not been myself as of late. I have always had a “weight issue”. Join the club right? I have always been plump. I fluctuate, sometimes more and sometimes less. The thing is, I have always felt really crappy about me. I never feel comfortable in my skin. Two years ago I joined Weight Watchers with my best friend and I lost about 42 pounds I still didn’t feel comfortable in me. I looked better, yes, but I guess it really just all starts from within.
Lately, I have been really down about me. I have gained back about 15 of the original 42 lost and I have tried to get back on WW twice. I just end up quitting for one reason or the other. Lately, I don’t want to look in the mirror, I don’t want to go out with friends, I don’t want to meet new friends, I stress and am constantly at war with my mind because I feel like crap about ME. About how I look.
When I do go out, I notice people, of all kinds, going about their business. They look so at peace with themselves. They are comfortable in their own skin and I just wish and think to myself: How do you get there? How does one achieve that? And most importantly, why can’t I?
Today I was speaking to a foreign co-worker and he told me that he was coming to town in August and he thinks I should lose about ten pounds before he gets here. I think he was trying to be funny. I didn’t laugh. I was angry at him. I really don’t think that is proper work place conversation, not to mention, it's none of his business, number one, and number two, it hurt me.
I cried in my work loo and I feel like shit even more.
A few months ago I was reading a fellow bloggie buds blog and it was harshly judging plump folks and the severely overweight. I left no comment because, as a member of plump, I don’t judge. I try to always find the beauty in EVERYONE.
The funny thing is, most times I can’t find it in me.
*lyrics from Plump by Hole