So even though I don't participate in easter celebrating I am required by marital law to go and have dinner with my in-laws. This really makes me hate holidays. I really, quite loved Christmas until they came along.
I'm going to share this with you bloggies because I am feeling down and I tend to remain down and full of dread the whole week prior. Here are some things running through my mind that maybe you can help me with:
-I have never been liked by them. I have to mind what I say, how I dress, who I am.
-I have "known" them for 11 years this June, yet they don't know a single thing about me except that I play guitar and I work in maths.
-I have to dress a different way when I see them because they wouldn't accept my usual jeans and cardigan way of dressing
-I have to hide my wrist tattoos
-They do their best to exclude me and I am usually just left in a room somewhere and then I am scolded for not joining in
-They tell me that I am a part of their family now, yet make me feel like nothing but the farthest from this.
-I lose myself when I have to be around them. I don't know how to be. It's a double edged sword: They don't like that I don't talk to them, yet when I do talk to them I am being scrutinized so it makes me not want to talk to them.
-I am severely uncomfortable while there.
-Everyone is incredibly rude yet I can't be rude back. I'm not good at being rude. I was raised differently I suppose.
-The whole experience is painful. The preparation, the buildup, the big visit, the finish and the aftermath
-I often leave angry or upset.
It's easy to say "just stop it" but entirely another issue when it's gone on for so long. After 11 years shouldn't I be accustomed to this? Any good words of advice or inspiration I can carry with me this weekend my bloggie buds??