"You And Me Could Write A Bad Romance..."

First and Foremost:

Dear Christmas,
I know things have seemed really great the past few days but I can't do this. It's not you it's me. I'm just not ready for this type of commitment in my life right now. I'm sorry. It was fun while it lasted but it's over.


Second: Why do radio stations start the 24 hour playing of Christmas songs the day after Thanksgiving??? That is too early. Every year they start earlier. In high school I looked forward to the week of Christmas hearing 24 hour Christmas music. As the years roll on it's earlier and earlier. In five years time they will just start it the day after Halloween.
Furthermore: Why do radio stations think that folks want to hear this crap? They turn down the freak and turn on the Lord. Damnit..I like the freak. Turn it back up!! I can't take this!!!

Third: The Christmas hiatus. Why do I have to suffer without new Glee's until January. Aren't we over this now. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean I want to watch shit on telly.

Fourth: Has anyone ever heard of an Elf on a Shelf??? I don't have rugrats but I heard of this on the radio this morning. I think I kind of like it. File that away for future use if procreation ever occurs. It's Gold.
If you are still scratching your head about this...look it up. Seriously. Yahoo.

Fifth: I am seriously, seriously, seriously contemplating not even putting up my Christmas tree this year. Usually I erect that beast the weekend after Thanksgiving but honestly, I'm just not feeling it. It's in a HUGE tupperware "thingie" (technical term), I have to drag it from my shed to my living room. My little cat always ends up jumping in there and creating a cluster eff' of tinsel, lights and shards of tree. Then after it's up he proceeds to hide under the bottom layer and chew on the metal/plastic tree bits...leaving bits of tree all over my floor. God forbid you walk by the tree, he will jump out, five feet in the air and try to claw your face. It's intense. He's insane.
Aside from this, I feel like Christmas will just fly by anyway, like Halloween and Thanksgiving did so whats the point? Also, the main issue at hand here is this: I'm lazy. Okay, there I said it.

Six: Christmas cards. No one sends them anymore. If they do they only write their name on it. No message. What's wrong with humanity people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seven: I hate generic/idle chit chat questions that come along with Christmas: "Hey, have you started shopping yet??"
"Hey, Are you ready for Christmas?"
And then after:
"Hey, How was your Christmas?"

You get these eight hundred and forty six times a day until mid January. Or longer.
You can't give the real answer. No one really cares..it's just idle. You give the generic, "it was nice" . I hate the generic. I think I may answer these questions with a question of my own this year: "If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself??"
It will stun the opponent long enough for me to not talk about Christmas.

Thanks for letting me flame the fire here.
In a NON-Christmas related vent:

Eight: My desk and the copy machine face each other. This means if you make a copy you are staring at me, staring at my computer screen/working.
This doesn't mean that I have to make conversation with you. All day I am like the Walmart greeter. I need a couple of buttons of flare, a big blue smiley face smock and a grandma hairdo and I will be golden. All day it's : "Hey, Hows it going! Makin' copies huh??". If I don't smile and talk to each person I get the stare.
Their eyes burn me. It burns us master...it burrrrrrnnnnnnnssssss us...
This also doesn't mean that because my desk sits in front of that I know how to fix it when you Eff' it up. Nope, not a copy machine technician. I don't know what it means when it says: Error. Or page jam...or where the extra paper is, or how to change the toner. Use that lump three feet above your ass to figure it out. Gah.

Okay, deep breath...I think I feel better.

And if I didn't make it known last week. What I am thankful for is:
For the Love of Ray J part 2.
Reality Gold.

Thanks for playing. Now go back to your freakin' Christmas music.

*blog title: Bad Romance by the marvelous, nutter, lady gaga


Malcolm December 1, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

There is a radio station in my area that starts playing Christmas music on Nov. 1st. Suffice it to say, I rarely listen to that station.

I like the "answering a question with a question" strategy. I'll have to think up some off the wall questions to throw people off.

The Bumbles December 1, 2009 at 12:08 PM  

OK Scrooge. As for the tree thingy - we have skipped it before and it has been nice and easy. And the house is barren. And lame. Except for the X-Mas cards propped up all over you would think we were Jewish when you walked in. We use a real tree. I love the smell. I put up the lights and decorate while Andy hides somewhere in his man cave in the basement. The cats knock it over, destroy our wood floor, and we prop it back up again and again. But it captures the Christmas spirit for one glorious moment when it is freshly decorated and a roaring fire is in the fireplace with corny parody X-Mas tunes playing in the background.

As for cards - I am really irritated that no one even signs their name anymore. You know why they don't? Because they just order photo cards of their cute kids and have them mailed out to me. I don't have cute kids. I don't have ugly kids either. I have cats. Who are very cute. But I'm not sending out a photo card of my cats. And what am I supposed to do with those photo cards when it is time to un-decorate? I feel guilty throwing a photo away - but I don't really want to keep them forever.

And finally - now that my comment is longer than most posts I write - I share your copier frustration. At least I have a cubicle wall between me and the beast. But everyone thinks I am the repair lady. Oh - and they also want my stapler remover all the time. Back Off!!!!

Penny December 1, 2009 at 12:10 PM  

I would love a photo card of your cats :)
I almost sent those one year....almost...

The Mrs. December 1, 2009 at 1:40 PM  

please do the photo card of your cats. If you do that I'll send a letter out.

I'm with you, I love me some christmas but this year I'm starting to think I just want to hide. And Rob announced today that he knows that santa is really just a dad in a suit and not real. But we can still give him gifts.

hey can you send me the link to that fabric store my mom is going to make the leap and wants me to order her a bunch of fabric.

B December 1, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

3. Seriously. WTF? Network TV needs to stop screwing with my relaxation efforts after work. I NEED to get lost in a good TV show. ARGH!

5. I nearly wet myself laughing so hard. I could picture it.

6. I send cards. I write messages. :p

7. I hate this too. Sadly, most people don't remember that skit. One of my favorites. I respond with one of these:
a) I'm an athiest.
b) I did finish my shopping but was mugged on the way home by a guy dressed like Santa. (Then I start crying.)
c) I yell, "YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!" and run.

BeckEye December 2, 2009 at 12:28 AM  

Soooo...have you started Christmas shopping yet?

I love Christmas music (the rock 'n' roll kind, mostly) so it pisses me off when it starts so early. By the time Christmas rolls around, I'm sick of it. Except for that Billy Squier song, because that's GOLD.

Penny December 2, 2009 at 9:15 AM  

I love those!! I will have to use those :)
Ps. I mailed you a little something two days ago <3

Beck-GAH!! One positive thing about of this is that Yes, I have started and FINISHED my shopping already. I didn't want to wait until the last minute this year because I knew it would frustrate me more. I ended up starting before Thanksgiving and I just finished on Monday.
I do, however, need to write and send my Christmas cards...

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit December 2, 2009 at 7:58 PM  

I went to the doctor's today. They left me in a room for what felt like hours. All on my own.

Except. Except for the piped Christmas Carols that played non-stop.

Great for five minutes, after ten it was torture.

There were bars on the window.

Now I know why.

Mind you, it sounds as though your cat, at least, likes your Christmas tree!

rebecca December 3, 2009 at 10:40 AM  

I love Christmas music (and if you go over to my blog you'll hear it now too, hehe!) but not 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Come on, give us a break...

I didn't put a Christmas tree last year. It's a behemoth that in order to put up I have to rearrange an entire living room. Last year I wasn't feeling it and, ergo, didn't do it. However, this year, the lightbulb went off. Daughter has a smaller version of a Christmas tree. I asked daughter if she would like to exchange trees since I could put hers in my den without having to rearrange one single thing and she could take mine because she had the room and didn't need to rearrange either. She agreed, it worked beautifully and we're both so happy! Me, with my little 6 foot tree (that my Frodo, the cat, still is trying to find his usual yearly perch) and she, with my 7 and a half foot tree that looks marvelous in her place. Marvelous! Don't you love that word? I like that word...reminds me of SNL's interpretation of Fernando Lamas.

Well, have a mah-velous Christmas, dahling...

Penny December 3, 2009 at 11:03 AM  

Richard-I laughed out loud about the doctor bit. Poor dear :(

Rebecca-Love the word marvelous!!!
and I love that your cat is called Frodo :)

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