So, all the big plans I had for this weekend?? Yeah...didn't happen. My tummy has been hurting and I am finding that lots of activities do not help. I ended up hanging out with my Brudder and Jzill on Friday. Saturday I did nothing but attend Steel Magnolias at Hubs school. (It was amazing. The students are so freaking talented). Today, the same. I have been sitting about watching Ally McBeal season one trying to avoid thinking about the Barium solution I have to drink in the morning...and the uncomfortable test I will be getting. Then I have a special appointment later that afternoon that I can not elaborate on at this time but I will say it involves a bit of studying. Which I have also been avoiding. With this event tomorrow comes lots of thoughts:
I feel like I am being pressured to grow up right now. I don't really want to grow up. I don't understand why a lot of other folks insist on this. Is it really all it's cracked up to be? Sweater cardigans, wine, fine china and talking about "the kids" and vacations. I don't fit in here. In fact, I really don't know where I fit in most days. The majority of the time I feel like I just fit into my own little world. People come and visit at times but most just raise an eyebrow and wonder why I don't fit into the cookie cutter shape. Wife, Almost Thirty, College Grad, Professional, GROWN UP. Everyone else my age seems so old to me.
If things go well at this appointment it could be a start of a new life. Why does this freak me out? I think because I am scared of change, I am scared that I will have to hide who I really am for most of the day, I am scared of losing several friends that I don't know how I have managed to get on without all this time...now that we have found each other...it seems over, I am just scared.
So with all of this said and everyone completely confused and bewildered and probably a little depressed I say good night. I have to get up extra, extra early tomorrow and I am looking a pile of amp chords, my guitar and tabs that I need to clean up before bedtime.
*lyrics by jim adkins
1 year ago