"Can You Still Feel The Butterflies?"

So I am coming down from my crazy Jimmy Eat World adventure. I got home at 4 in the a.m. both nights and still had to work today. At the DC show our car was broken into and we got stuck there for a long time and yesterday we had to deal with the clean up and reorganizing as well as drive to Philly for the second show. It has been a crazy two days and I feel like I have so much going on I don't even have time to reflect on the good times from the show! The shows were amazing. I have seen this band so many times in the past but this time around, it was their BEST! They just get better and better as time rolls on. They played Clarity from front to back and had the following encore: What I Would Say To You Now, No Sensivity, Work, Pain, The Middle and Sweetness and in Philly they played 23. The highlights were: No Sensitivity, Clarity and Goodbye Sky Harbor-which Jim did some very insane vocal overlays at the end. It was probably the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen/heard!

I was very fortunate to meet up with Jim and the boys (minus Zach in DC) afterwards. As always, they were just great guys to give you some time and hang out for a bit. All in all, it was an amazing two days filled with great people and even more amazing music.


Jim doing his "model face"..

"Can We Take A Ride? Get Out of This Place While We Still Have Time.."

The next two nights are going to be a show all because of last night. Sundays used to haunt me and my insomnia issue. I could never sleep on Sundays, regardless of medications. I was always tense about starting the week over and responsibilities and unfinished projects at work. I have tackled Sundays by using Ambien. Well, now I am having issues with Mondays! I do not want to take Ambien every night so I take a holistic med called Melatonin which is a natural substance. I also take Valerian root. Usually I get some sleep, eventually on Monday nights. Last night, No Sir...not a wink! I am fine, a little sluggish, at the moment but I am going to feel this later. I have a hectic schedule ahead.

Today I arrived at work at 8:30 am. I will be rushing to finish all of my duties by one o'clock. I got ahead start yesterday by staying a smidgen late. At one I will then be driving an hour to my home, changing, driving to pick up Hubs and Brian (a co-worker of hubs) who is car pooling, and then I will be off for the hour and half drive (minus traffic) to DC. I am estimating I will arrive to DC roughly around 330 and will suffer in 35 degree weather conditions..with a wind chill until 7pm. After the show this eve I am sure I will be hanging around for a few hours but I then have to drive an hour and half back to my home to get prepared to wake up at 630 am to go to work.

On the way to work, I will be dropping off Brian, arriving at my normal time, 8:30 am. I will then work until 2 and drive an hour home and then I will set off for Philly, which according to mapquest is 3 and half hours away, minus traffic. After the show on Wednesday I will probably hang out for quite a bit and then drive home that night. I am almost positive this not sleeping at all last night is going to kick my ass at some point.
I have lots of coffee planned and I have lots of motivation to keep going: Jimmy Eats :)

Aside from all this complaining, seriously folks, This is Going To Be The Time of My Life <3
Now, pardon me, I must work, work, work, in order to get out of here on time!


You Can't Make This Up..

As I balance out accounts and review medical coding I have the chance to look at the silly reasons some people go to see their doctor. At my facility the appointment desk has to write a brief statement, given by the patient, as to why they want to see the doctor. At times I come across incredibly silly reasons and I started compiling a list of these. Privacy is kept in that all names are removed and only the "reason" is displayed. Most get a kick out of this so I decided I would post it.

These are not edited in any way. All taken directly from the ticket:
-Right arm pain/patient lifted a ham
-Struck in eye by dogs paw
-Riding scooter and was hit by car
-The bronchitis is acting up
-Needs work note to wear hair down
-Fell on liver
-Fell off of moving golf cart
-Pain in the Neck
-Bruise on kidney
-Patient thinks she may have worms
-Crab shell stuck in throat
-Arthritis in chest
-Stuck with scissors
-Dizzy, hit in head by someones elbow
-Shoulder hurts like the devil
-Attacked by Bats
-Feels like she is in a bubble
-Human bite to right arm
-sick, sick, sick, sick, sick
-Leg hard as brick
-Bump on whole body
-Burnt left foot with Turkey
-Patient fell at bowling
-Shucked Oyster and got a knife lodged
-Fell in Ditch
-Falling asleep at work 3 to 5 times a day
-Bicycle wreck
-Backhanded plant, thorns stuck
-Can't kick the garbage and pulled her ribs out from coughing
-If she eats and bends over it makes her sick
-Right knee pain from jumping into a dumpster
-Bird grabbed finger and claw went through
-Frozen shoulders
-Ran over by Tractor
-Slipped on dog bone
-Go cart accident
-Ate ketchup and got a hive
-Eraser stuck in ear
-Ticker is acting up
-Put staple in hand on Sunday
-Swishy ears
-Hurt back moving Microwave
-Picked up a bug
-Pulled back lifting a dog
-Frog in throat
-Crying at desk
-Stick stuck in eye
-Meter is broken, will be getting a new one
-Fell on Senior citizen bus
-Display fell on patient at Lowes
-Disk in neck
-got hand caught in prison door in Porto Rico
-Tree house fell on shoulder
-Stepped on Crow bar
-Lost it on job
-Cleaning pool and got some water in mouth
-Stupid cough for four months
-Brain feels like it is putting out electrodes
-New problem developed on 7/3. Visible with naked eye
-Sinus infection from Texas
-Unlaced boot in office and forgot
-Difficulty breaking for the past hour
-Slid on algae from faulty sprinkler system in Wawa
-Something strange moving around in stomach
-Passed out at county fair and hauled off on the gator
-Hit head on Tahoe and saw stars
-Headaches cause her to walk sideways
-Tripped on cape, fell down wooden stairs
Spelling Errors: Equally as comical:
-Needs okay to travel to Golf Coast
-Torn Hercules Tendon (should be Achilles tendon)
-Patient exposed to Herpies
-Has been loosing wait (losing weight?)
-Right Cafe pain
-Refill of Nirvana .25mg (should be Niravam)

"On a Sunday I Think It Through.."

Today is the start of a most exciting week! I, of course, did not start off on the right foot.

Sunday night is my worst night for insomnia so I take Ambien. Under the influence of Ambien it is serious! I stumble around and I don't remember anything from the last four hours I was awake last evening. I always get the bright idea to read a bit as well, which I will not remember what I have read, therefore I have to re-read everything the following day. It's a show. Last Sunday Hubs told me that I insisted on going outside and flying a Buzz Lightyear kite that I had bought myself from Walmart at 11:00 at night...with no wind speed. I remember-none of this.

Aside from the adventures of Ambien, it makes for an interesting morning as well. I always have the worst time waking up. Usually on Monday I run late because of this. This morning was no exception. I woke up in a panic realizing I had overslept by 30 minutes and I needed to call and cancel a doctors appointment I had scheduled today that should have been cancelled last night. In a daze I attempt to find the number when a hazed memory floats back that I did, indeed call to cancel last night, but I don't remember what I said. So I had to rush to get ready, half blow dry my hair and I forgot my guitar on the way out-I was planning to have a jam session at noon hour with James.

All of this craziness is well worth it. I have the coolest week ever in store. Today I work a full day. Tomorrow I work until noon hour and I am off to the district to see Jimmy Eat World perform on their Clarity tour. I am planning to meet up with some folks after the show and hopefully get home at a decent hour because I have to go to work the following day.

On Wednesday I will be working until 2 pm and then I am off to drive to Philly to see Jimmy Eat World again! I hate to travel and do things last minute. I have always been a planner and to go out of state I would think of all of the consequences and work I was leaving behind to travel and it was just a mess for me. As of late I find that I am more apt to live in the moment. I decided that nothing would be cooler than just driving down to Philly, seeing my favorite band in the whole world, hanging out with some friends afterward, and driving home same night. Seize the opportunity! I have always wanted to do a few shows out of state so this is it!

So if anyone actually reads this blog and takes note that there is a lack of posting, do not worry. The coffee did not end me. Yet.

I'm just out and am doing the only thing I want to do at that moment..rocking out to the best band in the world :) Jimmy Eat World


Just Another...

Another Manic Monday!

What's one of the simple pleasures in your life? Reading a book and getting lost in the pages of the story. I am always reading a book but when you find one that just grasps you and changes your life forever, thats what gets me. That makes everything little brighter.
What do you like to snack on when you watch a movie? I love, love, love, to snack on Twizzlers and Coke Zero when watching a movie. I also love Rasinettes and Goobers but they are way more fatty than Twizzlers.

If you were a Survivor contestant, what would be your luxury item? I have never watched Survivor but I am assuming this means you are allowed to bring one item with you as a means of comfort?? I would, of course, pick my ipod because I am never without it and music makes everything okay!

"Chase This Light With Me.."

While out shopping yesterday I was reflecting on a noted attitude change in myself. It got me thinking about how much my personality had changed in the past six months. I have learned a lot about myself. Last January (2007) I came down with severe insomnia. It is an insane ride when you can't sleep. I tried everything as I explained in an earlier post. As a last resort, fall last year, I decided to try talking to someone, therapy. It's been interesting to say the least. The person who I thought I was turned out to be very different than who I really am and who I want to be. I was one ball of anxiety and misery and I thought I was comfortable there. In the past I have been so bitter and bothered by so many things and people, I was afraid to be my true self around people for fear of disappointment, I had this overwhelming sense that everything has to be perfect and I can make it so even if I am miserable in the process, I was afraid to really let anyone get to close because to me, nothing good becomes of these things: closeness turns into love, which turns into hurt in the end. I just kind of walked around and fit myself into a mold of whatever the person on the other end needed. To summarize, I was miserable and afraid to be and love me.

As things have progressed I am not saying I do not still suffer with these personalities quircks or that long shopping lines, long reciepts and club cards will never peeve me again, but I feel I am a work in progress. I feel so much more alive lately. I have really opened up and let my gaurd down, I feel like I want to just live life to the fullest and I am starting to become less afraid when things are not so very perfect. I am really trying to let things be what they "be" (ha ha) and in the process I have grown more comfortable with myself. Life isn't perfect, I am not perfect but I have learned I have a right to not be and a right to make mistakes and learn from them and most importantly I have a right to be happy with myself because quite frankly, when it's all said it done, I am pretty darn Rad.


Amber, I Love, Love, Love You..

"Do you crunch it or suck it?"

Jam Session at Noon Hour

"I Don't Know How But I Know I Want Out.."

I honestly believe that coffee will be my demise. I was never a fan of coffee until about six months ago. Now I am addicted. Hard core. I am a huge fan of 711 coffee and M&Ms so if the mood is right and I am near a 711, of course I am going to stop!

So in the past week and a half I have been on a whirl wind of coffee related accidents and I'm sure it could end fatally sooner or later. It all started last week when I stopped at my local 711 on the way in to work and while entering my vehicle to get back on the road, somehow I shut my OWN finger in my car door!! Who does this???

Another day I went in to the 711 for my coffee and M&M fix and almost slipped (ps. New Balances..not so cool on wet floors). I made it the coffee station and ended up spilling it all over the place. Yesterday there was that whole business of dropping my ipod and wallet into discarded beverages all in pursuit of coffee and then to top things off..Last night I went to run into the food store and I decided to take my leftover coffee and throw it away in the trash can in the store. I was walking through the parking lot and a random lady decided to pull out, without looking and almost struck me! I jumped out of the way and in this process my coffee top exploded off and I spilled it all down my front.

I had to shop soaking wet and when I exited the store some random dude started hitting on me. Seriously guy?? I look like I just wet my pants and you really want to go there?

Wowzaa. So my conclusion is coffee is out to get me or I am really clumsy. I like the first option better :) So I think I will be fasting for a week.


This Is A Song Called Work...

Today has been an adventure at work. I have had so many miscellaneous items thrown my way its maddening. I have many duties at work. Accounts, Accounting and Balances, Medical Coding, Book Keeping, Deposits, IT, among other things that are not relevant to this post. On occasion I am forced to speak to a patient of our medical facility. Usually for re-coding and resubmitting, payments on accounts and as of late, since our phone ops were not taught to update insurances for patients I have had to take a few of those calls. So about a half hour ago Winston told me she had a patient on the phone who was calling to give his new insurance number. She had read him his current ID number on file and he said it had changed but she was unsure how to go about changing it in our mainframe. I told her I would help out and update his account. I pulled up his information and told him I was going to read him the information we already had on file.

Me: We have ID number 1234-109876 on file sir.

Patient: Oh, well it's changed

Me: Whats the new ID sir?

Patient: It's 1234-109876

Hmmm....Doth my ears deceive me Good Sir??

Did you have to read through that twice? It's okay, I understand if you did. He, in fact, gave me the EXACT same ID number I had just read to him. In fact, the phone op had also given him that exact ID and he still insisted that it was different.

I don't ask anymore folks. Go with God


Oh Thank Heaven..

So a HUGE peeve of mine is when people dump their wasted drinks out onto the parking lot. You see this at every 711 you go to! It's inevitable. It must be a pre-req to shop at 711 you MUST dump all unused beverages onto the ground in the parking lot so the next sap who parks there will get out of their vehicle and step in it. I peeve this for several reasons. I will list them since I heart lists.

1a. The discarded drink in question is always parallel to where you will put your left foot when exiting your vehicle. I am postulating that the person in question dumps the drink from a seated position and this happens to be where the foot will land when they exit the vehicle.

2b. If I am the victim that parks after the j-hole that dumps the beverage I run into several problems: I am five foot nothing in height. My pants are always a smidgen dragging the ground because of this. I always end up getting discarded liquid and beverages on the bottom of my pant leg. I do not like walking around all day with day old coffee on the hem of my scrub pants. This is disgusting.

3c. When you are exiting the 711 store with your purchases you then have to inevitably put your feet back into the discarded liquid/beverage in order to get back into your vehicle. There is NO escaping the discarded beverage. You could break a leg or a random limb trying to maneuver around the liquid. So after you give in and just step into the liquid and enter your vehicle guess what gets all over your floor mats?? To most this doesn't matter, but to me, I love my car and I use it A LOT as a commuter so I like it to be nice and to be my second home sweet home, of sorts. I don't spill beverages onto my hardwood floors at home and just leave it there and then track it around the rest of my house.

A little story to help paint this peevish picture:

This morning I go to my local 711 for coffee and M&Ms...because in case you don't know this about me: I L-O-V-E, love coffee. I love, love, love coffee from 711. Best thing in the world. So I pull in and park up front. I am in my own little world thinking of coffee goodness when I forget that I put my ipod in crook of my door handle for quick handling, while opening my door to exit the vehicle my ipod flys out of the door handle and combusted in mid air and along with my foot simultaneously lands into...what?? You guessed it: A discarded liquid/beverage from the jackhole before me.

I play guitar and often times have jam sessions at work at noon hour. I always keep a spare pick for JA-90 around and the one thing I always have is my ipod, so I shove one into protective casing of my ipod. Well since my ipod combusted into a million pieces my pick landed directly in the middle of the beverage. I started to gather all of my things and clean them off when my wallet fell out of my pocket from bending over and lands, where?? In the discarded beverage!! I pick up the wallet and beverage then splashes from my wallet onto my freaking drivers seat! At this point I am at a loss so I take my items inside to look for napkins. Of course, NO napkins. At my 711 they use wet cloths to clean the coffee station and such so they don't provide clean up napkins. The only wet cloth was, at that time, being used by this 711 man who is sweet on me and I try to avoid at all costs. I end up using an unused coffee filter to wipe my stuff off and then I go for the splenda to put in my coffee and upon grabbing three packets about thirty fall out onto the floor because they pack those babies in there. While picking these up the 711 man comes over to "chitty chat" and my wallet falls out of my pocket because I am bent over again.

After all of this I go to get into my car and have to step in the discarded liquid in order to enter my car. Floor mat footprint. So, tomorrow, same time, same place. I'm sure it will be a 711 show :)

Who's The Big Winner??

*Cough, cough*

"Stop You're Making Me Blush..People Are Looking At Us.."

Just Because I Felt Like It:

*Radar-Britney Spears

"I Don't Care What You Do..I'm Getting Out.."

You know what really gets my blood boiling? Exclusivity. I feel as if over the past two years or so that I have really come to the realization that everyone kind of does their own thing. Their "thing" may not be whats right for me, but who am I to say it's not right for them because it doesn't fit with me? It appears that this concept is lost on the majority of people, especially in religion. I am just personally sick of it. I love Jimmy Eat World. Yes, I may talk about them or even make you a mixed cd but if you come back saying you hate them..you know what? I don't really give an F. Good for you! I don't think you are stupid, re-dick, insane, off your rocker because you don't love EXACTLY what I love. To each their own folks.

Every time I come across this type of person in my life I want to slowly weed them out. I wonder to what the root cause for all of the animosity coming from these people. Are they jealous? Are they so miserable that they want everyone else to be miserable? Or are they really ignorant that not everyone in the free world isn't exactly like them??

Sometimes I just want to wear a shirt that displays my pride:
Yes, I am 28
Nope, no kids
Nope, Don't want them and I feel AMAZING about that, pardon me if you don't
Yes, I eat dinner at 830 pm sometimes, because I can
Yes, I could sleep in until 1230 if I wanted to and I feel AMAZING that I have that option!
Yes, I have time to read and bake and practice guitar. I make time for those things. I can.
Yes, I love music and would drive out of state for a gig for one night..because I can
Yes, I play guitar and I love it, no, it's not a "female" hobby, but I love it
Yes, I have tattoos and I love every one of them
No, I don't wear slacks and cardigans all day. A t shirt, jeans and a nice jacket makes me feel
Yes, My religious beliefs may not match yours but that doesn't mean I am wrong
No, I don't drink because I don't need it to have fun
Yes, I work in Accounting and Compliance and I LOVE, love, love what I do
No, I don't regret anything in my past, I have learned from it all and it has made
me, me

So all in all, quit hating folks. Just because someone else doesn't fit into your cookie cutter life doesn't mean they are a freak, or weird. If we were all the same that would be pretty dull. What makes you happy (or miserable for that matter) maybe doesn't make someone happy (or miserable). To each their own.

"I'll Take Your Picture When I Go..."




Reasons I love Ryan Buell:
Number One:

Nuff Said Bitches..

"It's Just Me and You Kid.."

Reasons I Love, Love, Love James to the moon:

-Rad guitar playing skills

-Always listens to me complain

-Likes pumpkin pie..(see post below)

-Doesn't laugh at my song writing skills

-Is patient when I don't pick up a song right away

-We Jobro in the sunlight

-We laugh about the stupid-est shit like it's hilarious and it is to us

-We both think Michael Cera is the funniest man on earth

-Always there when I need someone to listen and doesn't judge

-Understands me and my random, childishness and likes it

-Would totally drive to Killadelphia with me at last notice, without question

-Alone=Radical-ness BUT Together, we are AMAZING!

and last but not least:

-Just because :)

Random Monday

I found a new blog site for Manic Monday, a little different than Mo's Manic Monday that I used to participate in. The blog author asks random questions each Monday to get you thinking. I love random so I'm in :)

Here are this weeks questions in Orange. Happy Manic Monday folks!

Of all your favorite foods, which one would you find the most difficult to give up for the rest of your life? Hands down, Pumpkin Pie. I only get it around Christmas but I in love, love, love with it. This year I am on WW so I couldn't partake in it as I normally do but I did allow myself to have two slices this holiday season. Seriously, If I could only have one food for the rest of my life with no consequences..Pumpkin Pie. *drools*

Which month of the year do you thing best describes your personality? Wow..October I would say. It's not too hot..not too cold, refreshing, it's a time of changes, it's amazing and plus Halloween is the radest day of the year..and I am the radest person you will ever meet :)

If you could be a contestant on any game show, past or present, which show would you pick? CARD SHARKS or the Fued. Reveal: I am addicted to GSN network. I love Card Sharks. Plus the Fued is a classic and I would kick some serious ass!

Valentines Day Massacre

So my Valentines day consisted of hosting an afternoon with tattoo artist. So insane, but so true. KC, who is an amazing tattoo artist, came over to work on a rework of a peacock tatt for my dad and to do this little number:

It was a nice time and I am very excited to get my Jimmy Eats ink before the upcoming show. It's something I have always wanted to get but just couldn't decide where to get it. It was a nice day, I got to see my parents, watch a movie with my ma, hang out with KC and then I did a little shopping with Hubs afterward. I was so incredibly tired by the time everyone left and all was said and done. This is not a normal statement for me so I went to hit the hay early. I took a quick shower and went out to the kitchen afterward to get my A & D meds for my fresh new tat and my deck door was ajar. My littlest cat, Anthony walked in from outside and I froze. Stunned. The reasoning: that back door is never opened unless we are grilling out and we have not done that for weeks. No one had used the deck during the day, as far as I knew and I am SUPER, dooper, anal about checking the doors before I leave for work every day. *cough, cough..therapy* To the point of mild OCD. I know this door was locked. I quickly called my parents to see if they had went outside on the deck during the course of the day, or unlocked the door. My parents declined this and also stated that KC, also, did not go outside.

I was pretty creeped out. This made sleep harder to come after I checked every closet, bathroom, under every bed and in ever corner for a mass murderer. I'm sure someone must have unlocked the door at some point but even with the opening..it's one of those new french doors that has a latch like handle. You have to push it down and the door opens inward so my Anthony, could not have pulled the door open.

I don't know, all in all, creepy night. Once again, fueling the OCD fire of checking the doors. Way to go on my end!

You Don't Say...

I am always reading a book. So today I decided to bring my book and have a nice, productive lunch in my car, reading in the sunlight with the windows down since it's fairly nice weather.

About ten minutes into my lunch break a patient, who is parked next to me, exits our facility. I have two Jimmy Eat World stickers on my back window and am currently wearing a Jimmy Eat World shirt. The patient walks up to window and says:

"What exactly is A Jimmy Eat World?"

To this I laughed. Ha ha ha..

"Put Your Records On.."

Songwriting notes from January 5, 2009.
seemed relevant.

It's 3 am. You call again
It's okay, I wasn't sleeping
I'm always here for you
Take what you need, get some rest
I will shoulder this for you
I always do

It's so unfair to feel so alone
When you're right there
But I will keep waiting for your call,
in case you fall,
Because you're my all.

Heres Looking At You Kid..

Things on my mind as of late:

What happened to the old adage: "Treat others as you would like to be treated"?
I think this no longer exists in this day and age. I, myself, struggle with this concept frequently. Usually this ends up back firing terribly, I give too much and in return expect the same, only to be disappointed and hurt. Then when the tables turn and said folks need me I always end up giving in but I am bitter with myself about it. I feel like it's wrong to be bitter about because I don't want to be that person that says: You wronged me so I am going to wrong you. I think this is childish and hateful..but then again it is hard to establish that line of you are being taken advantage of so you have to step back in order to protect yourself?

I have always been the listener, my whole life. Call whenever, where ever, sure, I'll be there. When I hurt I honestly feel like I can't say it. I am expected to be there and clean up everyone else. It's not valid for me so I just end up keeping it to myself anyway. I have to go on..I have to perform: The Penny Show. Now Playing. It all comes down to expectations of people and I feel like I am expected to do/be things and be there for people but in the end the only true person that I can really expect anything of and rely on is MYSELF.

In the end, I suppose this is true for everyone. When all is said and done, it's just you and you alone baby.

"What Band Does Your Husband Play In Again?"

Wanted to mention a funny story from this morning. This will paint the picture of how little I correspond with my co-workers about anything of importance. Most folks here don't really know anything about me except what they can see. I don't really "talk" to anyone here because nothing good ever comes from those situations. On my desk I have two photos of Jim and I from two different occasions when I have had the pleasure of making his acquantence. My background it also a lovely photo of Jim and his JA 90 in black and white. Candid pic..beauty-ful. Actually, I think it is located on the right side of my blog under the title *Sigh*.

So, a co worker comes in to ask me to make her a sign in sheet since I am the only person in the building that is computer savvy. She looks at my computer screen and glances at my pictures of Jim and I. She then asks: "What band does your husband play in again? I always forget"

Really? I didn't know we had this conversation before..

I was at a loss.

I explained that Jim, was in fact, NOT my hubs and if he was I would NOT be sitting this office, in my chair, at my desk, at this very second. She laughed and said that she just always assumed we were married. I had to point her in the direction of the photos of my real hubs on the other side of my desk.

Maybe I should talk more, eh?

It Squeaks When You Bang It..Part Two

"I didn't know you were eating a big meat stick"

Seriously....direct quote from my co-worker :)

Peeve List

The infamous Peeve List will become a regular on this blog as it was on my old blog.
I need get a few of these out of the way.

Yellow Cars
I can't really explain this peeve. It is what it is. I don't understand why anyone would voluntarily go to a vehicle dealership and say: "Hey! Give me the yellow-ist car you got! I'm talking mustard here!". Aside from the awful color these cars are just always the ones that are causing mayhem when on the road. They have become more plentiful since last years big car color appeared to be mustard yellow. So with this said: I really have no reason..I just hate a yellow car.

The Recap
Why folks? Why? On telly, with DVR's and re-run after re-run for a weekly show is it really necessary to recap SO much? Especially with half hour shows..and reality shows. How many times will you see reality show clips anyway. American Idol is infamous for this. I want to meet one person who says to me: "You know what? Thank Heavens for that Recap last night!! Whoooo! I was lost".
The game show Lingo also does this to excess, only they don't even wait for a commercial break to recap..they just recap randomly. Drives me insane.

Club Cards
I am a fan of certain club cards..the ones that actually have a system of you noticing a saving on purchases because of it, or the cards that add up points and give you coupons back. At first this craze started with just Food Lion (for you east coasters) and Safeway. Now everyone has one and half of the time I can't find the benefits of the said cards. I really peeve Borders. They are huge club card pushers. They will all but beat you down at the register for not having a card. I have tried everything..I don't come here that often, I don't have one, I forgot mine..they just keep going and going. At a Barnes and Nobles in Annapolis (I live hour and half away from Annapolis) I stopped in to pick up a paperback. The girl at the register started badgering me for a club card. I told her I didn't live near a Barnes and Nobles and I was just in town for the day and she got pissy with me and gave me some long winded speech on how she was just trying to do her job...blah, blah, blah. Wow, seriously. If a customer says they don't have a card or they don't want one. Drop it folks. Really. Get over it.

Long Receipts
This is the latest phenomena! At a recent visit to Best Buy, where I purchased one cd at the price of $9.99 my receipt was a foot and a half long. Why folks? Why do we need this excess paper? I don't track my purchases because I don't use a check book (thank you online banking) but if I did and had to keep said receipt I would be S.O.L. It would be like folding a map of Arizona up and shoving it into my wallet or check book. I could decorate a small child's birthday party with the amount of paper they give you in receipts these days. If I have 102 items, I understand..but a stick of gum does not warrant a 12 inch receipt.

This one is a three-for (pronounced "three-fer)
The Stick Figure Family Sticker
You've seen them. On mini vans in a town near you. Visual? Ask and you shall receive:

Why? I just don't get it and every mom has one. I think since I don't have kids and I don't "get" this sense of camaraderie that mothers have with each other. Do you get the head nod if you have one and another Mommy Mary has one?
I am also peevish about the knock offs of these..I spotted a flip flop sticker. Daddy, Mommy and baby flips. I guess the real issue behind this deep seeded peeve is conforming to the norm. Everyone-else-has-one-so-I-should business.

The Initial Stickers
What is this? Who does this? These are the circle stickers with random initials in it like: BL, DB, I passed one today that said: CI. All day I see random initials. Am I supposed to know what these mean? Does anyone really know what these mean except for the purchaser? My final question: Do they make one that writes: FU...as in "ck you"?

The "Drinking is Really Cool" Guy
I work with folks of all ages so I always see this one teenager of a co-worker who stops by to say hello to his mom at times. When talking if someone remotely of his age walks by he immediately goes into the "man I got so fucked up last night" mode. Crazy stories of crashes, police break ups, waking up in random places, vomiting, losing drivers licenses and bad decisions..re-dick. Seriously, drinking and talking about drinking becomes way less cool once you pass the age of 22. That's even pushing it for me. Your alcohol tolerance is not of interest to me and drinking and driving should not be considered "rad" at ANY age. You could kill someone ass hat!

I think I let off enough steam today...

"The Beauty is in What You Make It.."

As of recent:

On a smoke break at work with James we were discussing: Things that make you truly happy. Not necessarily people but things/acts/feelings that you experience but take for granted. In the moment you may not even realize it. The kind of happy where you smile to yourself in the moment.

Yes, James and I talk about some random stuff together but it makes for good entertainment.

As a result of the productive conversation I thought I would list a few of mine and hope that I spark a journal/blog entry for any readers of this. What makes you happy? What makes you smile into nothingness when no one is looking? What makes your heart sing?

Here it goes:
ps. I heart lists

-A really good book and a really warm blanket

-Getting into a bed that's empty and the sheets are cold

-Playing guitar with friends who love you surrounding you

-Anything Jim related... :)

-A really good song that you "feel"

-Singing in the moment

-The first sip of a chilled to perfection Coca Cola from a can

-A joke that never stops being funny even when thought of later

-When someone says something that fits perfectly into a missing piece of your heart and produces a smile every time you think of that saying.

-Getting back into bed for five more minutes in the morning with hubs.

-Hats, mittens and getting bundled on a winter day

-Snowflakes in dark hair

-Catching just the "right" shot when photographing. When everything falls into place.

-The smell and feel of the Bay on a cold day

-Driving with the windows down with a really, crappy, pop song from the 80's blasting..and someone along to sing it with you as loud as you can

-A Drive to no where with an excellent soundtrack and great conversation

-A thoughtful gift from the heart

-When the power goes out from a thunderstorm and hubs and I just talk or play board games by candlelight

-A long, deep discussion with a really good friend

-Unsweet Iced Tea with Splenda

-The feeling of relaxation when you have done everything you needed to do and there is nothing else except to just "be"

-An awesome dream you just can't shake all day

-Wish puffs


-A good run in brisk weather

-When you overhear someone saying something really nice about you


"How's That Working Out For You?"

I was comforted last evening by the fact that I am not the only one who gets frustrated by idiocy. I talked with my Brudder (brother..just what I call him..deal with it) about work in electronics. He said he recieved a call from a customer who had purchased a computer and was setting up a program and got this prompt:

The customer was in frantics and wanted my Brudder to please instruct him as to the whereabouts of the "ANY" key. He had been searching for it and could not locate it.
Wow. This may win over any story I have to tell.


"It Squeaks When You Bang It.."

"I arranged them in order of hardness"


"I Ain't Fakin' This..Now Shut Up and Let Me Go.."

A Peeve, if you will. I feel the need to set this up: Here it Goes.. (jim adkins)

At my work, I account for accounts. I love my job. It is amazing. I sit at my desk and do maths all day long. I have a phone on my desk but I rarely use it. I do not have to speak to patients, clients, customers on the phone or face to face. This makes my stress level relatively low for the most part. The ironic part of my job is that even though I provide math services I am seated in the smallest office our building owns with two other people. The two other people I sit with....The Phone Staff..(duh, duh, duuuhhh). Logically, this is insane. My office is incredibly busy and the phones are constantly ringing so the phone staff are ALWAYS talking. Try adding large quantities of money and figures with someone gabbing about rectal bleed behind you.
I have adapted fairly well to this situation I find myself in. I am a master in the art of toning people out. I can work all day and not hear a single thing the girls are saying. It is also known that if you want to speak directly to me, even though you sit directly behind me and our chairs almost touch, you must tap me on the shoulder. Our new girl, who I love dearly, was quite offended for some time in the beginning because she would ask me a question or say something and I would never respond. Ha ha..it's a talent I posses.

This loud situation has also given me a most wonderful opportunity. I can totally get away with listening to my ipod all day without anyone saying a word to me. I put in one earbud and the other is free to hear the phone (in case shit...) and I am home free. I love, love, love music and need it to function normally anyway so this makes my job even more amazing.
Now to the peeve:

Nothing irritates me more when you find yourself reading or in my case, counting money. You are in the "zone", and someone begins talking to you and when you deliberately ignore them so you don't lose your spot/count they get pissy. This morning I had a stack of twenties and fifties almost taller than me (not a hard feat to obtain..I am only five foot tall), I had my TI-83 (bow to the TI-83 peons), deposit slips every where and my ipod on as to drown out the chatter and noise of the phones and the picture taking for photo badges next door. In the middle of counting my stack of twenties the old lady phone operator, Winston- (on the count that her voice sounds like she smokes a pack of Winstons everyday for about 30 years), turns around and says: "Penny?? Pssst...Penny?? Whats going on next door? Whats the drama about??"

I continue counting because at this point:
1/a. I am on number 47 and I have barely broken the top of the pile and I don't want to have to start over.
2/b. I do not keep up with drama because I kind of just work in my own little hole. Therefore, I never know the drama. Ever. Please don't ask. You will be disappointed.
3/c. I do have my ipod on and in use and if this doesn't say: "Hey Jackhole, shut the hell up" I don't know what does these days.

She becomes frustrated and starts tapping on me. "Penny...hey, psssssst".
Yeah..she actually did the "pssst" thing. Who does that??

I stop quickly to tell her to cease and desist the talking because I am counting.
She is taken aback. "Oh, I didn't know" she says.

Really? You really didn't know? I mean I don't know how anyone wouldn't know. I have worked with you for about FOUR years, you sit directly behind me and I do the SAME THING every day of every working hour, my job is MATHS and to account accounts, my right hand man is a calculator.

Not to mention I was surrounded in a stack of money and was thumbing through twenties and typing numbers into my GIANT calculator that looks like you could write a novel on it.

Who would have thought??

Thus ends my peeve rant for the day. Just remember folks, mind your manners and maybe I will mind mine.


"The Only Thing You Have To Be at The Age of 23 Is Yourself.."

I have beef with Existentialist Therapy! While obtaining a Bachelors in Psychology I was required to take several Counseling and Psychotherapy courses as a requirement to graduate, including a Psychotherapy Lab, where I provided counseling sessions with freshman. Throughout my studies Existentialism was never my favourite train of thought when it came to helping one deal with their issues. Carl Rogers was not my best topic to essay on. In Person Centered Therapy it is very different than in other forms of therapy in that it is a way of thinking about life, rather than a specific set of therapeutic techniques. It focuses primarily on awareness and free will. It states that we, as persons, have freedoms, responsibilities and choices to live as we wish. The existential therapist focuses on helping the person become aware of how she is handling her freedom. As the client learns to accept responsibility for her choices, she can create a life of meaning and purpose, based upon her own sense of her deepest truth

The therapist’s role is to help the client along the path to discover why the client feels the way he/she does. How to integrate feelings of loneliness, helplessness and meaningless into personal responsibility and how to deal with these emotions and make change because the client has the right and the ability to do so. Existentialist therapist tend to not focus on ones past experiences, but to look to the present day choices and future actions in order to change and integrate feelings.

To obtain these inner-most thoughts and feelings and “direct” the client down the path he/she chooses the therapist must take on a role of creating an authentic relationship. The client/therapist relationship in Person Centered/Existentialist therapy is one of the most important aspects. The therapist feels that he/she must show the client his/her own integrity, courage and empathy and in this relationship the client will learn how to relate to another person and realize the faulty thinking. Carl Rogers came up with the theory of: “Unconditional Positive Regard”. This is achieved by being empathetic and accepting to the clients self and establishing strong relationships. This UPR will allow the client the background and foundation to find themselves, make change or develop a stronger sense of self.

To me this all sounds like the 70’s, Free Love, Love Heals All, Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong…need I go on? Or the best friend that is a ‘yes ma’am/man” Whatever you say, I will believe, I believe in you, nothing you do is wrong because YOU are choosing to do this and you have the right to do it and I will support you from my therapist chair while you do it. Hmmm…This sounds lovely eh?? Forgive me if I can’t buy it. I feel it creates a blockage with people who are going that did not receive UPR and feel the need to be accepted/granted permission etc. with decisions in life. To have therapy lay out as an open road where all is good and nothing is banned from conversation causes more anxieties for these folks than necessary.
A little direction please? I bet you are thinking: Any direction is the right direction because it is the one that you chose...Right?? Am I right?
…Damn Existentialist!

"I Saw a Movie It Just Wasn't The Same.."

I have discovered that I have quite a lot of time left before my infamous appointment today and not so much work to fill it with. Usually Mondays are hectic but for some reason our billing company in India must have had some R & R this weekend because they send two...count them...TWO A/R claims for this afternoon. Usually this bucket averages about 15-30 and will keep me busy for about two hours. I was slightly anxious (good thing I have an appointment) about getting all of these completed before my departure today but to my surprise, Two.

I figured I would blog about my eventful weekend since I had a little time to kill. Don't you hate it when you tell people you like to watch movies, or read they give you the old: "Must be nice, I wish I had time for that.." Haters. My theory: You make time for the things you love to do. I always make time for cinema and for reading. Even if it is a little time, I make it. I will say it is easier for me to make time since I don't have any spawn running around but this does not mean I am not a busy person. I work full time, commute two hours a day, exercise 60 plus minutes a day, play guitar, cook, clean, the works. I still manage to fit in some reading time and some movie time.
This weekend I had nothing particular holding me down so I was able to catch up on some movie watching. Firstly, I had the pleasure:
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

Can I just say, any film with Michael Cera, I LOVE it! I am not just saying this because I am incredibly biased due to the fact that Arrested Development is the greatest show ever. He is really, really funny. His sense of humor and timing is hilarious. This was more of a sweet romantic teen flick but it was smart and I loved it.

The Secret Life of Bees

I will say, I read the novel and I liked it. It didn't alter my life but it was a good read. Same with the movie. I am into Paul Bettany and was glad to see him here. The movie was VERY close to the book so if you watch and don't read..you are not missing much.


Milk was phenomonal. I love Sean Penn and his performance, as well as Emile Hirsch's was amazing. The story I wasn't too familiar with so to see it here was very informative. This is a docu-drama for those interested with amazing cinemaphotography. Gus Van Sant is a genius and the score and music was done by Danny Elfman, who is another favourite of mine.
Last, but not least...

Slumdog Millionaire

I had to see what the hubbub was about. After all it has about 15 noms for Oscars. I started this film two weeks prior but turned it off because I wasn't in the mood. It has some subtitles and the first little veniette about Jamil during his first question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was pretty disgusting. So I gave it the old college try again, and actually, this was the best movie I have seen in a long time. Even better than Michael Cera's and we now know about Michael Cera and I. If you have the chance..watch this one. Give it a shot, it's incredible in sound, vision, script, acting and entertainment. In my humble opinion it has earned it's noms this year!

Thanks for reading if you lasted this long!


"I Promised I'd See This With You Now.."

I have really been slacking lately on the blog front. I guess you could say I have not been so bitter lately so why blog? This would be a lie, but hey, it sounded good right?

Things have been pretty much constant. Still can't sleep, still seeking different methods of obtaining sleep..the only difference is that I started to see a therapist in hopes that he would help shed some light on my insomnia. He seems to feel that blogging, writing, journaling, all things I love to do anyway, are a good outlet for stress, anxiety, etc. Perhaps this little blog will be my key to sleep. So I intend on writing more.

When you tell someone who is not experienced in insomnia that you currently are ailed with this they all tend to give you the same look and suggestions. As if you had never thought of them before in your history of sleeplessness. For example: "You should try..*insert ridiculousness here*..

1/a. warm milk

2/b. warm shower

3/c. tylenol pm, melatonin, ambien, lunesta, unisom..you get the picture

4/d. yoga

5/e. exercise

6/f. no caffeine

7/g. same amount of sleep every night regardless of weekend hours..ie. opportunity to "sleep in"

8/h. don't hang out on your bed. Bed = Sleeping only.

9/i. My personal favourite: Just clear your mind..don't think about ANYTHING!

Hmmm..... if this were possible I wouldn't be in this predicament..

I have just given up explaining what I have tried because when you explain that those items did not work for you you then get the raised eyebrow as if you are bull shitting. I just politely thank these folks for the suggestion and move on. Explanations and reasoning can be so time consuming and if the topic comes up in conversation I am not asking you to FIX me anyway!

Alas, my friends, I am here..still sleep deprived and still in search of my big answer. Just stop caring, just stop thinking, just Sleep... I'll let you know if or when this happens.

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake." -Chuck P, Fight Club

"If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't." -Chuck Palahnuik-Fight club


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